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Lost by jason

So, Halloween has come and gone, and this means that it was time to bust out one of the most terrifying movies of all time. A movie that sends the cliche shivers down my overused spine and that reminds me that, no matter how far we’ve come, we are not far from the animals. The film forces me to accept that, as a human being, I am only a few steps away from being something unrecognizably horrific.

That film is the Lost Boys.

“But jason,” you say. “Vampires are played out! And besides, that movie is supposed to be a comedy! How can you be scared?”

You’re right. There is nothing scary about vampires. Even though the Lost Boys vampires are far scarier that that Twilight bullshit, they aren’t the scary part. No, what’s terrifying is, when considering the music, the clothes, and the fact that not one, but TWO of the Coreys were in this, I realize…

…I grew up in a time when that was all acceptable.

Now, this is a music blog, so I’m going to focus on the music, though I do realize an analysis of the negative effects that the Coreys had on Western Civilization could fill volumes. And I want to get this out of the way: the opening credits song is objectively good:

It’s kind of telling that the guy who did the best song on the soundtrack is the one I’ve never heard of.

The rest of the music…doesn’t age well. There’s that INXS song “Good Times” that plays several times through the movie, for instance. INXS were, if I remember correctly, a decent band, yet that song is everything that’s wrong with the late 80s pop-rock music, in that Michael Hutchence and Jimmy Barnes sing to us about how “Rock n’ Roll music [is] gonna play all night” without getting me excited for it in the least. And it has those weird, echo-y drums that a lot of songs had back then.

Then there’s that lame song that the kids are rocking out to on the beach. You know the one…the one with the 10th level barbarian/20th level Saxophonist. I’m only commenting on his lame song and the way the kids seem to think this is good music. Everything else about that guy is completely epic, and, in fact, might be the most awesome thing about the movie. But the song itself is lame, and yet, it sounds like a lot of what got radio play back then. Oh, and echo-y drums again.

Tim Cappello and his Vorpal Sax +4

There were some bad covers on the soundtrack, too. Echo and the Bunnymen cover the Doors’ “People are Strange,” without changing anything. It’s like cover-song karaoke; there’s nothing particularly “Echo and the Bunnymen-esque” about this lackluster cover. And the cover of “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” (Oh…I see what they did there) is just terrible. Who’s the asshole who covered that? Let’s see…Roger Daltry??? This movie’s evil has just gotten worse…I think this is the exact moment when Daltry started sucking.

So, based on the soundtrack alone, one can see how The Lost Boys is an important historical document. It accurately portrays an important time in our nation’s history, and if we don’t learn from it, we are doomed to repeat it.

NEVER FORGET!!!

-jason

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