to eleven

The Next Big Thing: Satanic Black Twee Pop by jason

Here at the To Eleven Institute of Sound, we feel it is our duty to keep you, dear readers, informed of the latest in music trends. In fact, we will go one further and show you what the kids are going to be listening to next year so you can tell all your friends, “Yeah…I listened to that before it was cool.” How do we know what the next big thing is? Two ways:

1) Jayson and I both hold advanced degrees in Music Bloggery from the University of Anyone Can Write a Damn Blog.

2) J.A.Y.N.O.V.A., the To Eleven Institute of Sound’s supercomputer, is constantly running an algorithm that looks at current trends in music, the birth rate from ten years ago, voting trends, and the Dead Sea Scrolls.

So you should trust us.

With a face like that, how could you NOT trust us?

The Next Big Thing(tm) that is going to hit the music scene is Satanic Black Twee Pop. It should be obvious. If you look at music trends historically, you’ll see cycles that get progressively more “extreme.” Whatever evil brought us Emo has receded, but it’s only a matter of time before the melancholy youth put on makeup and cry some more, but this time, they will cry blood.

Leading the charge will be Bael & Sidragasum. This seven piece from Scotland have mastered the perfect balance between preciousness and sacrilege. For instance, here are the lyrics from their first EP, the title track, “The Homecoming Sacrement”:

Underneath the bleachers
nervously holding hands
you’ve been waiting for this kiss.
I know you’ve practiced
lip-locked with Jesus
Nailed to an inverted Crucifix.

Bael & Sidragasum at their chuch gymnasium just before they burned it to the ground.

Frontman Stuart Marchosias, 45, writes of the heartaches of high school crushes, those awkward pubescent years, and church burnings like none other. B&S at the Satanic-Twee blueprint that all other must follow.

And speaking of following, the UK’s Mari Marie Demogorgos is set to capture the hearts and souls of the black-and-red argyle set. She’s that cute hipster-girl you’ve stared at in the library as she pursued her dog-eared copy of the Ars Goetia. On her debut album, Me + You = 2 (The Number of the Beast), Mari has nailed that whole “precious” thing; her cuteness, he quirkiness, her pixie-like charm belies her bloodlust. On the first single, “Gore-Soaked, Polka-dot Umbrella”, she sings:

Under my umbrella
you can hold me close
and we can share the headphones of my iPod
as the world around us falls
feces-foetus apocalypse
rains from the corpse of the dying God

Mari Marie Demogorgos-She's just so damn cute!

And these are just two of the emerging acts from this nascent genre, but there are many others. Get on this NOW before it becomes popular and mainstreamed. You’ll be the coolest kid on the block.

Come back next week when we discus the scene rivalry between Scotland’s Satanic Black Twee Pop Scene and the Swedish Death Dance Pop scene. It’s pretty brutal.



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