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Review: Lou Reed & Metallica- Lulu (Reviewed as I listened to it!) by jason
October 21, 2011, 9:00 am
Filed under: Review | Tags: , ,


Lou Reed & Metallica-Lulu. Warner Bros., 2011.

OK. This Lou Reed/Metallica concept album just sounds bad on paper, and it would be easy to make a joke out of the whole thing. However, here at the To Eleven Institute of Sound, we take music pretty seriously. It would be unfair to mock Lulu without a listen. Since it’s streaming on the album’s website, I figured this would be a great opportunity to give it the careful, nuanced review that these two legendary acts deserve.

Without further ado, here is a track-by-track review of the album, as I listen to it.

Brandenburg Gate: OK…this starts off good. Acoustic guitar, Lou Reed sounding kind of old, talking about cutting himself up. Not to weird, not too bad. Then, Metallica’s sound comes in. This is alri-
What? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

The View:
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Pumping Blood:
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Mistress Dread:
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
OK. I think I’ve recovered from the initial…shock? Confusion? Oh, wait.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Iced Honey:
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. OK, in that last song, he was shouting “I am you’re little girl. Spit in my mouth.” Like, I never want to hear Lou Reed say this again. However, this current song, “Iced Honey,” isn’t terrible.

Cheat on Me:
OK. This song is a minute of OK instrumental stuff, followed by 10 minutes of crap. “Why do I cheat on me?” he asks. Over and over.It’s clever the first time, even if it’s awkward. But after the 100th time, it’s like “Duuuude. Get over it. Move on.”

Frustration:
OK. Lou’s not even trying on this one. At least when James sings, he sounds like he really believes in this project. Lou knows this is shit; you can tell by his tuneless, unfeeling vocals. I’m not sure which of the two I respect more.

Little Dog:
This song sounds exactly like what my high school friends would play in their band when they were stoned.

Dragon:
“Hallucinaaaaaaation! Hallucinaaaaaaaation! I thought you were listening!” Unfortunately, I was.

Junior Dad:
Honestly, I like this song, but it could stand to be 15 minutes shorter.

So, this is apparently a concept album, and the concept is two aging musical acts try to get together to make something both edgy and groundbreaking, but succeed in neither. Like, this is mind-numbingly bad, and that’s an objective statement. It’s a fact; you can’t dispute it. I’ve never been a Metallica fan, but I don’t think I actually hated them until now. And Lou Reed? Man…you’ve done some pretty harsh stuff in the past, but this is rough.

Anyway, Lulu hits the States on November 1st. Get to a shelter before then.

-jason

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3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Giggle. This probably deserves a cartoon.

Comment by midwayfair

I sincerely hope this album causes Lester Bangs to return from the “great beyond” and re-ignite his feud with Lou Reed. That poor bastard would be turning in his grave (if he hadn’t been cremated.)

Comment by Kevin

Lester would have loved it. ALBUM OF THE YEAR.

Comment by gavin hellyer




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