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I fail you all. The top genius bands that I do not get or can not stand. by Jayson
August 30, 2011, 3:47 pm
Filed under: Lists | Tags: , , , , , ,

There are universally loved bands and musicians. Artists that everyone who considers themselves a serious music fan love unconditionally, except me. My range of emotions regarding the following range from apathy to outright hatred. Let’s get in there.

Tom Waits sucks in his lips for 30% of his photos.

Tom Waits – This is one for the crowd of people who are on the spectrum of serious nerds (nerds who are serious) to people who “really understand music.” I am still sort of waiting for Tom Waits to just come out and say he’s fucking with everyone. Not in the way that everyone who loves Tom Waits thinks he is “subverting conventions” or something, but “I am singing in a stupid voice because I thought I would get attention and never stopped because just Hell of people kept calling me a genius and buying my records.” I want Tom Waits to know “I am not mad at you, Tom Waits.” but like… I refuse to take you seriously. I also refuse to take seriously the variety of condescending characters that I run into who turn out to be your strongest advocates. There are some people I really do respect that like Tom Waits and also as Tupac said “I ain’t mad at ‘cha.” but I do not like lounge singers or whatever it is. Tom Waits has caused me a lot of problems in life because I always have to have the “You don’t like Tom Waits?!?!?!?!” conversation and it bums me out.

Because I am a creep.

Radiohead – I kinda liked Radiohead when they were a rock and roll band and played songs like Creep and did big guitar jam outs like on Paranoid Android. I thought that was “the shit” actually. Then something happened to them, like they put out those two albums and every white person who wears black framed glasses is all “Radiohead are geniuses.” This is because Radiohead decided to play very sad, quiet music over the second disk in Aphex Twin’s “Selected Ambient Works Vol. 2.” Despite there being electronic music for a long time before people who had graphic design degrees heard of it, it was super new to that crowd and therefore ‘revolutionary’ and ‘genius.’ Radiohead have continued to remain ahead of the curve by doing slightly unconventional things already done by less successful and well-known bands.

bloo bloo bloo

Nine Inch Nails – I have poopy days sometimes too. And like… girls didn’t like me in high school and I dunno… the girl didn’t like me, things are boring, I was sad. I still have poopy days, but I still do not like Trent Reznor. I understand a lot of people with low self-esteem like this band, and that should make them somewhat more acceptable, but you were always on the hook to wear black lipstick and put fishnets on your arms to close the deal. When I feel poopy and want to listen to music that reflects that, NIN has always made me feel like ‘Oh shut up dude, geez.’ The only reason Trent Reznor existed was because he had to write ‘Hurt’ so Johnny Cash could cover it. Fun fact, a kid I went to high school with is like Trent’s third cousin or something, his parents had enough pull to get Reznor Heating and Air Conditioning to put an industrial size unit in for their house; it was always comfy.

Someone is gonna tell me how there’d be no Ramones without Bob.

Bob Dylan – I am told that Bob Dylan is one of the most widely influential musicians in the world, which is weird, because I can’t detect his influence in anything I listen to all, except for maybe Tom Petty. I guess that is because I am told over and over that Bob Dylan played all kinds of music, he did it all, but I kinda prefer the people who did whatever it was as a dedicated thing. Like let’s just listen to Waylon Jennings and Son House or whatever. Like he didn’t invent folk, country or the blues, nor did he have much influence on punk, metal or hip-hop. Sorry Bob Dylan.

I saw them live once, tickets were $70. Still can’t believe I spent that.

Tool – I am over on the apathetic scale for Tool. They ain’t offend me, I just do not give a shit that they exist. This band is easily in the category of loved by nerds, people who smoke a lot of grass and that most horrible type, the musician who gets really into jazz scales and crap like that and smokes a lot of weed. There is that dude who only listens to like, Tool, Steely Dan, Phish and like funk bands no one has ever heard of; I am friends with one of those guys and he is a good man, but man… That whole scene sucks. People who like Tool do not find it acceptable to just be sort of indifferent to them, because instead of just liking Tool, they love them; unconditionally. Tool made all those crazy videos and those were pretty good, but let’s not go nuts.

Once this post gets out, I will be banned from graphic design.

Wilco – I liked Wilco when they were an alt country band. I pretty much understand their turn to a normal, mid-tempo personality-less rock and roll band. Jeff Tweedy has a drug habit and he thought that would sell records. Records = drug money. I got that. What bums me out though is that for some reason this transition again caused all the graphic designers and other black-framed spectacle wearers to go forth and proclaim their utter genius. I went and saw them with Sonic Youth and they didn’t play any alt-country tracks because their fans are all the people who go ‘I HATE COUNTRY’ because they heard that “Ford Truck tough” song by that fake cowboy dude. I write this surrounded by hell of fake cowboy dude fans and it doesn’t make “Casino Queen” a bad song. Up yours, Wilco.

By the end of the band, they were using 8 cans of Aquanet a day.

The Jesus & Mary Chain – I think these guys are some ok, but I put them on here because I wanted another band on the list. Also, remember when Buddyhead ran their blog (instead of the main site), and all those dudes would post was clips from a million shitty bands that they thought were total genius because they sounded like The Jesus & Mary Chain? Real talk, if you have convinced yourself that Black Rebel Motorcycle Club are a good band, you have played yourself.

– Jayson


2 Comments so far
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My 2 cents:

I agree whole-heartedly except for the following:

Bob Dylan is a genius, though a lot of his biggest fans are prone to hyperbole. He didn’t re-invent music, but he wrote some damn fine lyrics. And he admits that some of those protest songs were written so that he could touch some ladies. IN THEIR PANTS. That’s pretty rad.

On Wilco…I’ll admit they aren’t genius pop-song writers, but their stuff is good. I don’t own anything they’ve done, but I’ve checked out Sky Blue Sky a couple of times from the library. The title track is great.

Radiohead…they are like, I listen to them, and I can hear the genius there. If they would quit re-hashing the 80s and 90s electronica, they could change the world. I haven’t given up on them, but I haven’t purchaced their last 2 albums either.

So I guess “whole-heartedly” was an exaggeration. What can I say? I’m a Dylan fan.

Comment by jason

Yeah, I live in this really weird envelope musically where nothing I really dig has anything to do with Bob Dylan. Songs to get ass are not a concept I can belittle.

Wilco’s two albums following the sound change huff mad dongs. (sorry, heteronormative, but funny)

I like Paranoid Android a lot still. Two guitar solos!!!

Comment by Jayson

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