to eleven

Tourage by Jayson
June 10, 2010, 9:12 am
Filed under: Shows | Tags: , ,

My dad would describe this as wall to wall assholes.

Everyone is talking about the summer tour schedule for the metal. The fans of the metal are colossally disappointed  with the line ups.

Looking at the lineups, I am pretty disappointed too, but for the most part I don’t care. I hate the summer festival tours.

I haven’t been to one of these in years, but there is a reason for that. They suck.

First of all, they are all a drive of some level. Unless they’re at Blossom or whatever they are calling the former Nautica stage in Cleveland this week, it’s going to be hike. So you better love driving or love the bands playing or both, unless you’re living right on top of wherever the tour is going down.

So you do. You’re going to go to Guttural Slamming Brutality Fest 2010 with your crew. Tickets are $24.50 for lawn and $68.90 for pavilion. Lawn it is, better hope it doesn’t rain, sucker. Got your tickets, you drive 2.5 hours, pay another $15 to park and trek into the festival grounds.

You are at Brutality Fest. There are exits to the north, west, east and northeast.

Go east.

This may or may not bring you to the second stage. One of the things I’ve noticed about the big festival tours this year is that none of them really have a ton of bands*, maybe or maybe not enough for the second stage. This may be good or bad. You could potentially feel cheated for your band to dollar value ratio, or you could not care because 90% of the second stage sucks 90% of the time.

So you are there for a while, you find a place to sit or stand or whatever. Hangin’ out next to some dude in a WASP “I Fuck Like the Beast” shirt. The sun is merciless and you decide you are going to get something to drink, and maybe a bite because that McMuffin you had was hours ago.

You go to the food booth or stand or whatever they’ve got.

  • Water – $8.00
  • Lemonade – $9.50
  • Pizza – $10.00 slice
  • Hot dog – $10.00, $11.50 with condiments

That'll be $12.50, sir.

So you’ve spent $68.00 and staved off dehydration and sunstroke. You got a piece of pizza and are reasonably confident that despite it having a 55% chance to give you diarrhea, that it won’t start until you get home.

Down to the end of the event, 8+ hours later. Do you want to stay for the headliner? Is it someone you love? No let’s get the hell out of here. Wait. Your bro/girl/brogirls/what ev wants to stay and see Whitechapel, or Ozzy or whatever it is. Go ahead an add about 2 hours to get from where you parked to the freeway to your total drive time home.

That was great, can’t wait for next year.

– Jayson

* except for Warped Tour, which has 1000 bands; including To Eleven favorite Shiragirl and Reel Big Fish.

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