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Record Store Day War Journal by jason

11:30AM. I am standing in line in front of Music Saves in Cleveland, Ohio, waiting for the doors to open and for Record Store Day to officially begin. I usually skip this holiday, but I wanted to see the Mountain Goats movie, The Life of the World to Come, which is playing one block over at the Beachland, so I figured I might as well do this thing. There’s a real sense of community from these local hipsters…though none of them have tried to talk to me, I get the feeling that the cute red-head behind me was going to until she saw some people she knew. Oh well. Some guy is giving out free coffee. I like coffee, and it is warming me against the snow.

A community!

The Local Hipstertariat

12:05PM. The store opens 5 minutes late, which seems to annoy people, but I used to work retail; I know how hard it can be to prep a store for a big sale. Even though there are about 50 people in line ahead of me, I get in right away. I’m sure this violates some sort of fire code, and I would have rather waited outside for the place to clear out a little, as it is kind of a clusterfuck inside. There is a girl trying to maintain order, but the crowd is large and determined, so she kind of shrinks to the back.

12:10PM. This is chaos. I have finally pushed the ten feet to the racks. People seem pissed that the Weezer Record Store Day exclusive is not here, but I got my copy of The Life of the World to Come DVD. I still want to see it at the Beachland, but still, score one for me. I also grabbed the Mystery of Two cassette. I am trying to push to the back to see if they have that limited edition Sonic Youth Confusion is Sex white 180 gram vinyl. I don’t want it; I need it.

12:20PM. I have finally pushed to the back of the store. This is taking entirely too long, and I realize that I may miss the 1:15PM screening of the Mountain Goats movie. There’s another showing at 2:45PM, but I want to get this all done with. A few people seem upset that the store is out of the Pavement reissued vinyl. I’m getting pushed into people. I hate crowds.

12:30PM. The line had done this thing where it’s moving, but I’m not. There’s a corner where people are getting stuck, and then they are just cutting in line. Fucking hipsters. The girl who could be directing traffic knows this is a lost cause, so she just watches to make sure no one is taking anything. Some guy is taking pictures. Don’t take my picture, man.

12:35PM. Conversation with a dude who does not strike me as an actual hipster, but someone who wishes he were:
Him: “You came to Record Store Day for an old Sonic Youth album?”
Me: “It’s the white vinyl reissue. I’m a sucker for that.”
Him: “Oh. OH! That’s the best of.”
Me: “ was their first album.”
Him: “Really, because I think that’s their best of. Anyway, all I buy is vinyl now. Doesn’t it sound so much better than CD?”
Me: “No.”
That pretty much ends this conversation.

12:45PM. This place smells like someone should brush their teeth. By that, I mean if just one of these guys would brush their teeth, it would make some sort of difference. Did toothbrushes become uncool? Did I miss the memo?

I am so missing my movie.


1:00PM. I just heard the cute redhead from before say, and I quote, “After I by all these LPs, I’m going to go shopping for vintage clothing.” I resist the urge to climb over the rack and strangle her to death right there because, really, that’s not going to get me out of here any faster. But I feel the rage building up.

1:10PM. The smell is getting worse. Some girl came in and, swear to god, she is knitting a hat while in line. Like, she’s so hip that her hands just can’t stop knitting. It’s a compulsion, a symptom of the disease. Oh, here’s a thing I learned: Hipsters don’t understand the concept of having their method of payment ready. I’ve had my debit card in my hand for the last 5 minutes. I’m sure Darwin would have an opinion about that.

1:20PM. Got my stuff, paid quickly, and am outside. Have no problems with the staff…they seem to be suffering more than me. I think I may have exceeded my daily recommended dose of irony for the day, and I may have developed an allergy to hipsters. I might have to stop buying music and find something else to blow my money on, like comic books. The red-haired girl from earlier walks past and says, “hi.” I take a deep breath and say “hi” back. I think I’m going to go to the Beachland Tavern and drink until the 2:45PM showing of that movie starts. I need a drink.



2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You should be glad that the hipsters didn’t talk to you. That would make you one of them…

Comment by Meighan

An epic tale. Honestly, you are a braver man than I, for I would have seen the sea of hipsters and decided Applebee’s was a better option than braving those waters.

Comment by patrick.

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